That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize