he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Congratulations! We have a period
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