I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
