We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
