remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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