I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Found the puke drawer
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize