hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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