There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
