No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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