____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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