I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
