So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
