Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
