this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I have feelings that need drinking.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He's on the porch naked. Help.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
