An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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