So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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