I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
