haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
