matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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