Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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