dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
