she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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