I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
