FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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