Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
