He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
