just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
