remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
