I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
