so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
