My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
