That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
