woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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