You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
