I can text with my tongue
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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