I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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