Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
