Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
