I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
