He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
