best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
