I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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