John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
