matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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