Soap is not a condiment
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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