Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
