Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
