May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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