i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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