i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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