I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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