Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
