I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
