Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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