Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Randomize