the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
