alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
