ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
