So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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