Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
