I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
