ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
