Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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